just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
