I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I fill condoms, not promises.
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