I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
