It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
