she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
