shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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