Everything about him screamed your future.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize