this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
