I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
