all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My penis needs a shock collar
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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