Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
