I didn't shave. On purpose
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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