the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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