some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
