I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize