you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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