the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk is a universal language darling
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
