are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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