if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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