Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
