I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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