Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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