I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
