girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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