Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
