I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
