We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
