i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
