I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
