Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
