You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
