Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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