Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
