It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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