I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
