True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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