The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
