I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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