New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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