You're my little dorito
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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