Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
