you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
