Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
