R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
