Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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