Having a random hookup so left but love u
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
