I look better un-naked...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You need a sexual gate keeper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
