i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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