Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
