Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
