Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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