So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
