The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize