He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
