If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize