Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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