Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
