Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
