I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
