i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
