Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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