There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
