We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize