I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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