yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
