i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize