Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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