i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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