So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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