babies were throwing up all over the place
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
