Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize