I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize