I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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