wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
