My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
