just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
