Yo dont text me then not text me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
