dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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