I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
