im drinking this country out of the recession.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
