Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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