I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
