It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
