I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
