The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
