I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
