good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
