She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
