I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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