I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize