Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is my gift to your gina
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
