hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
