girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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