The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
