pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
