Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize