So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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