Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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